How to Host (without wanting to die)

Hi! You might be surprised to see me after a long break in writing on Substack. I’ve been busy, both with general life things and with some other writing projects that won’t end up on here. BUT now that I’m back I’ve got plans for some fun and hopefully interesting writing ahead. If you enjoy what I write here, and you know someone who you think might enjoy it too, I’d love it if you could share this page with them!

Let me start by saying that I wouldn’t categorise myself as a Martha Stewart type flawless hostess by any means. But, I will say that I love to host people in our home. As a family, we want to have an open and welcoming home, and we like to eat, AND we have small children who need to be home in the evenings to sleep, so we end up hosting people at our house a few times a week.

The idea of being able to welcome my friends and family into my home and feed them a delicious meal while enjoying time together was one of the things I looked forward to about being a real adult when I was younger and now that I’ve been lucky enough to have been doing it for 5+ years, I do feel like I’ve learnt a few things that make hosting easy and developed a bit of a philosophy around hosting people along the way. When we host people, we don’t want to feel like we have to wow every person who comes through our front door, to show a perfect home and food. But we do want to put them at ease, to be organised enough for them to enjoy themselves and not feel like they’re imposing.

Sometimes, we want our guests to feel like they’re part of the family and they’re welcome in a very mundane part of our lives. But sometimes, we want them to feel like they’ve come out to something a bit more elegant than that and that our home is a place where they can feel treated or celebrated and can have a night off having to clean up dinner. I’m truly not perfect at this, I don’t even remember to do all these things half the time, but here are a few personal lessons I’ve learnt along the way that make hosting easier, and more fun for me.

When they accept the invite…ask about dietaries and then remember what they say. I like to write the dietaries next to the entry in my calendar so (hopefully) I literally can’t miss it.

Nibbles aren’t fancy, they’re a host’s best friend. Having something to nibble on when guests arrive creates an all-important buffer for your meal prep. Guests have a task that gives them a sense of purpose (even if the task is to sit and eat chips) and you can finish , without worrying that tummies are about to rumble. I personally can’t control myself around cheese and always ruin my appetite, so crisps and olives are my go-to nibble when we have guests.

If you’re running late… set the table first. It feels like the last thing that needs to happen. But if your meal is behind schedule, having the table set and drinks set up adds an aura of calm to the room which might not be calm at all. There’s no quicker way to make me flustered than if I’m rushing to get dinner ready while my people reach around me for glasses from the cupboard and forks from the drawer. If the table is set, it feels like everything is on track, even if it’s not.

BUT If you have time…empty the dishwasher before people arrive. Or empty the dish rack if you are your own dishwasher, of course. Then the end of your night can run more smoothly with dirty plates going straight into the dishwasher.

If you don’t like to cook…perfect one hosting menu and repeat. A signature dish is a reluctant cook’s best friend, because you only need to learn one thing but it becomes a part of the experience of dining at your house. I’d say, if you’re going to have a dish you make over and over, put in the effort to make something nice from scratch. Even better, make it a meal that caters to fussy eaters and dietary restrictions too, something classic. Ours is steak tacos. My husband can do the meat while I do the sides and the serve yourself style works well with all kinds of eaters. There’s no point perfecting bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers if every second guest is vegetarian, lactose intolerant or doesn’t like spice.

If people ask what to bring…ask them to bring a drink, bread or ice cream. They’re not a hassle to prepare, there’s a range of choice in terms of price and your guest can still feel like they can contribute without the meal falling apart if they forget. If they’ve asked, they probably want to help and have the headspace to coordinate bringing something, so I also do think it’s nice to give them something to bring if they ask.

Choose a dessert…that you can make ahead of time (Particularly if there are lots of people coming). A cake is actually perfect for this. It can go in the oven while you prep the rest of your mains and then all you have to do is slice it when its time to serve. I particularly love to make this lemon polenta cake from Nigella.

I guess that’s the wisdom I have to offer. Sometimes, it doesn’t work out. Sometimes the chicken doesn’t cook, your guests are insufferable, and the baby cries all night. Sometimes the gnocchi disappears, and that’s okay! Because its not about being perfect, or protecting yourself from discomfort, it’s about setting aside a few hours to demonstrate love to the people you bring into your home. And some of those meals will end up the best of your life.